Category Archives: insecurity

Habits – How to Break Them and Make New Ones

Habitual Behavior

We all engage in forms of habitual behavior.  Unfortunately the ritualized, unthinking things we do create impediments to change and growth.

Instead of being preprogrammed and robotic in our daily lives, we need to get outside our comfort zones.  We must confront what we want to change or achieve.  We cannot be on auto pilot, we must be fully engaged.

Habits are nothing but repetitive behaviors that become automatic.  You don’t think about it, you just do it.  You feel a certain comfort in the practice of these repetitive actions which makes it more difficult to get out of the ‘rut’.

In many cases it is a false sense of comfort, offering you a cloak of normality, even when the behavior is considered abnormal.

Habits Enslave

They trap you into behaviors that hold you down and are self destructive.

There are strategies to change your habits and get on your way to happiness. Break free and you will achieve what you want your life to be.

Triggers and Cues

We receive many cues during our daily lives. These cues or ‘set ups’ trigger responses.  A basic example is the time we go to bed, where most of us prepare ourselves to go to sleep by brushing our teeth.  The cue to go to retire for the night triggers the response, we don’t think about brushing our teeth, we just do it.   Nothing prevents us from brushing our teeth after eating our last meal or snack of the day but the actions are cued right before going to sleep.

Actions to Take

In order to achieve meaningful change in our lives we must alter the reactions to the cues in our lives.  Here are the steps –

  • Identify a behavior you want to change.
  • Identify the cue for the bad behavior.
  • Find a response that results in achieving your goal.
  • Commit to it by writing down a planned response.
  • Think about & read your plan for a day or two.
  • Engage in the new behavior for 30 straight days,  it will become habit and you won’t have to think about it!

Critical Key

Identifying your triggers or cues are the key. What situations trigger your current habit? For the smoking habit, for example, triggers might include waking in the morning, having coffee, drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out with friends, driving, etc. Eating after dinner when you watch TV can be replaced with a cup of tea, exercise, a diet soda…

Most habits have multiple triggers. Identify all of them and write them in your plan.  The replace the habit with a new response to the trigger. It really is that simple!

Watch Out

Have strategies to defeat an urge to fall back into your bad habit. Urges are going to come — they’re inevitable and they’re strong. However, they are also temporary and beatable. Urges generally last a minute or so and come in degrees of strength. You need to ‘defend’ yourself, ride it out and the urge will disappear. Some strategies for making it through an urge: deep breathing, self-massage, eat something healthy and calorically light, take a walk, exercise, drink a glass of water, call a friend, post about it in a support forum.

I urge you to give this method, which has been universally successful, a chance today!

 

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Filed under confidence, improvement, insecurity, self esteem, success, Uncategorized

Limitless

No Limits

Ambition

Some people just seem ridiculously ambitious, attempting to achieve either a high or broad based level of success.  I have been accused of being somewhat ambitious myself, but so what?

When I hear people make negative comments about someone with a lot of ambition it drives me crazy.  Most of it is envy or jealousy.  Just because some people seem to have resigned themselves to a ‘treadmill’ existence, does not mean everyone has to.

Powerful

Ambition is a form of positive energy that can be infectious.  Life is infinitely sweeter because of it.

First off, you simply cannot accomplish anything if ambition does not help to drive you to make the attempt in the first place.

Secondly, ambition glosses over a lot of mistakes as it provides the stimulation to overcome the inevitable setbacks that come with every pursuit

Ambition also makes the attempt more important than the results.  In other words, it’s a journey not a destination.  Results are important but the geniune pursuit has be invigorating.

Confidence Connection

I have discussed confidence in several other postings, use the search bar to find them, as I am convinced it is the key to a fuller life.  I would like to look at the connection between ambition and confidence.

It appears clear that a person’s level of ambition is directly related to the amount of confidence they possess. With a healthy dose of confidence and a solid self esteem, you are much more likely to get ‘tuned’ up about trying something new.  Building on small ‘wins’, which increases your confidence, leads to a sense that there is nothing to fear in attempting to reach a goal.  Its a self feeding cycle!

Success Connection 

Success and ambition are also indelibly linked. It is your ambition that leads you to make the attempts for success.  An ambitious person leads a fuller life, positively approaching what others view as road blocks to be nothing more than challenges that will be overcome.

Blind Ambition

The term blind ambition, can be both negative or positive. It is used most often negatively to describe someone who is blind to the realities or does not understand what it will take to accomplish something.  That is true to a degree, you can not just have ambition, you have to take action.  Reckless ambition, pursuing things in the search for security to fill whatevr voids one may have is also dangerous and I have written a novel on this called Ambition Cliff.

On the other hand, if you are willing to take action and are blind to the difficulties, it can be a blessing.  How many times have you heard someone remark, “If I would have known it was going to be that hard I wouldn’t have tried it!”

Think Big

Get pumped up about something, even if you need to muster up some false bravado! Get excited and getting moving towards getting a new job, losing weight, stop smoking, learning to dance, play a sport, etc, maybe even blog!  Let me hear from you!

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Filed under confidence, improvement, insecurity, success, Uncategorized

Danger of Insecurity

Insecurity!

We all feel insecure at times.  Sometimes it may be a new situation or environment which leads to a sense of insecurity.  However, I want to focus on those deeper rooted feelings that we may not be good enough.  This lack of self worth expresses itself as insecurity.

Bogs You Down

The manifestation of insecurity is truly an anchor.  It prevents us from living a full, normal life.  Feelings of insecurity usually result in a socially isolated life and in extreme forms can produce paranoia.

Feelings of self doubt are crippling.  Even if we are prepared to execute something we can easily do, we can be tripped up by self doubt.

Don’t confuse unpreparedness, which causes nervous doubt but is limited to a specific event, for insecurity.

Relationships

Feelings of insecurity impacts relationships negatively.  If we don’t have a good self image it makes a having good relationship difficult. If we don’t love ourselves (warts and all), how can we love another person?

Roots of Insecurity Are Multi-Faceted

There are many causes and theories of how one becomes burdened with insecurity, such as a terrible childhood or subjection to bullying.  However, I am not a therapist and though it may be helpful to unearth the root cause, I would rather focus on an acknowledgement of insecurity, moving forward to chip away at it.

Insecurity can be overcome or mitigated.  It may take time and patience but the rewards are huge and must be pursued.  You can balance an acknowledgement of any shortcomings you may have (while working to improve them) but still believe and recognize your own self worth.

Don’t confuse, for example a lack of education, or physical awkwardness with your value as a person.  The world is filled with smart, athletic, successful individuals who are terrible people.  Our culture elevates someone with Hollywood good looks, tons of money or possesses some talent.  However, those superficial attributes are just a tiny slice of each of us.

You are important and valuable. You have as much to contribute as anyone else on the planet. Some may be able to express themselves or a point of view easier than you, but that does not make what they say or believe any more valuable than your views.  Don’t let yourself get caught up with what other people may or may not think of you.  Being a selfless, humble, honest, loving individual is the true measure of a ‘valuable’ person and in the end the only thing that counts.


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