Tag Archives: success

Comparing Yourself To Others

Be Careful When Comparing Yourself to Others

There is a huge difference between using a role model or icon’s accomplishments as a goal and comparing yourself to that person.

One can be a motivational tool but comparing yourself to someone else can be deflating and inhibiting.

We always seem to be comparing our lives and situations against others.  This can be very dangerous leading to an erosion of our self esteem.

Comparisions Are Trouble

The problems and distortions they present are many fold, including these;

  • The media presents images they ‘sell’ as perfection causing you to be intimidated
  • You only see a small slice of the person’s make-up
  • Their flaws are not examined, only their particular area of excellence
  • They may excel in one narrow area and not be well rounded at all
  • They can be great at something but horrible as human beings.

As you can see it is incredibly superficial and best to avoid the practise.

You Are Unique

There is only one of you.  Agreed?  Therefore, comparing yourself to anyone else is a zero sum game.

Everyone is different, everyone has their own set of ‘pimples’ and plus and minuses, some you see while others are hidden or disguised.  Do not allow some unrealistic portrayal or image of someone to trick, intimidate or depress you.  Everyone, including you, has things they are good at and things they are not.

You are who you are, now try to improve yourself or reach a goal you have set.

Compare yourself to no one but who you were yesterday! It is the only measure that makes sense and once you get the hang of it, a confidence and self esteem builder.

A Word About Set Backs

The average number of failures people experience on the way to any success is four.  When you look at someone remember the struggles and failures they had to experience in order to achieve their success.

Be prepared for at least four set backs before you reach any goal.  It is a realistic way to insulate yourself emotionally when and if set backs occur.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall… 

Set your goal and get moving towards it today.  Make progress each and every day by committing to doing something that helps to achieve what you want.  Get up each morning looking to improve yourself that day, making progress on your goal.

Remember to compete with yourself and to compare yourself only to who your were yesterday.

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Filed under confidence, improvement, pride, self esteem, success

Dream Big

Shoot for the Moon

Why not dream? Why not have outrageous goals? Why do we limit ourselves?  There is nothing to be afraid of.

If you set your sights on a lofty goal and really commit to it, you guarantee yourself a measure of success.  It’s as simple as that!

What is the worse that could happen, you fall short of the true goal but get close?  In any case you have made progress.

I can make an argument that if you set a low, easy to achieve goal, while it has nice benefits in building confidence, and make it, that you would probably make more progress shooting for a higher goal and not making it.

Break the Mold

Don’t let the culture limit your existence.  You can still make it,  the people who are achieving their dreams (or importantly what you perceive to be their dream!) are just like you. The difference is they have acted and commited to the goal.  I can not emphasis enough the need to act, to take steps in the direction of the goal you have.

Do not get boxed in by your personal situation, such as age or weight, economic status, lack of contacts etc. etc.  There are countless people who have overcome the odds that our culture puts on us.  (First off ditch the most common mind set that you’re too old to be doing that!  You are never too old to do anything, so stop convincing yourself otherwise)

LIVE YOUR LIFE

Each of us have met people with a passion or purpose. They seem more alive than most people!  They are engaging and pumped up! (some of us say they are nuts or crazy but that is just a manifestation of jealousy)  Whether they achieve their dream or not is beside the point; its the damn journey that counts. I know it sounds like a cliche but if you get down to it, its the pursuit of whatever interest you may have that counts.  It does not matter what you do as long as you enjoy the activity and improve at it.

Don’t be a bystander in your own life.  Start doing the things that improve your life and that interest you.


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Confidence

The Trust Connection

I am convinced confidence is the key to a fuller life.  I would like to look at the connection between trust and confidence.

The definition of confidence is often boiled down to a strong belief in yourself and your abilities. However, this definition misses an important component of confidence and the boost it provides in your ability to achieve a goal.  What I’m referring to is trust.

The trust or faith you have in yourself is built over time and plays a large role in helping you to overcome a challenge or make progress on towards a goal.

If you are attempting something you have never done before and cannot rely on the confidence that comes with having achieved a similar thing before, you can get the boost you need from the faith or trust in yourself.

Take a Leap of Faith

You may not consider yourself a success in anything.  But it’s simply not true!  It may sound basic, but you have learned and overcome obstacles since you were an infant.  You’ve learned to talk, walk, read and write!  You may have learned to drive, swim, cook etc.

I am positive that if you examined your life you will find accomplishments that you can build on.  Just because they aren’t broadcast on T.V. doesn’t diminish them. They are tangible accomplishments, even if they are from the distance past, you can use them to build a trust in yourself that you can do it. Take a leap of faith, this time for yourself!

Persistence

No matter how little you have may have achieved, the one thing you can control, irrespective of your skill set, is the effort you put forth. I am speaking to the number and intensity of the attempts you can make.  Persistence is indelibly linked to confidence and success.  You have heard the cliche; If I bang my head against the wall enough times, it will crack.  An extreme example, but it shows that if you are persistent and do not give up, you will definitely have a measure of success.

Confidence and success are rooted in the acceptance that what you are attempting to do will be challenging, and that set backs that will come, but with knowledge that with a steady application, you will persevere.

If you can’t trust yourself, who can you?

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How to Save Time

I decided to put this valueable information all in post rather than a downloadable PDF. Put these into action ASAP & give feedback.

Practical Suggestions to Create Time To Pursue Your Interests & Increase Productivity.

Business

Little Mo – Many business experts and consultants stress the big picture or big task/project.  Rightfully so, if we don’t accomplish the big things the smaller one usually won’t matter.  Because larger scale projects require more thinking and pondering, you can find yourself stuck by over analyzing. What works for me is to tackle a series of small tasks first.  The momentum and sense of accomplishment is something I build on.  It clears my head, readying me for the larger tasks at hand.

Touch it – Do it.  Too often we handle a document, review it, only to deal with it later.  A waste, you’ve invested time in it, complete it now; otherwise, you will re-read / re-review it when you actually deal with it.  Live by the Touch it Once rule!

Email, a huge consumer of our time, is a great place to implement this concept.  When you open an email, deal with it, if possible.  Even if you need to check another document, email etc. for the answer, you will save time, gain momentum and clear your mind to focus on the next.  Only flag the emails that absolutely need input or careful consideration. Read, act, then go on.

Shorten and reduce meetings – We have way too many meetings, wasting the collective time of all the attendees.  First, invite only critical persons, too often people are in meetings with nothing constructive to add or learn. (I am fan though of including, at times, junior staff/interns, as a learning experience) Many meetings are just plain unnecessary. Use email/phone/ or video conferencing if truly necessary.

Don’t let attendees get too comfortable.  Do away with the coffee and donuts, I like standing meetings. Get to the point and get to work.  Shorten meetings, use a timer and let people know you are.

Strategy meetings require ‘homework’ beforehand to be productive.  Demand that participants come prepared otherwise you and the others are wasting valuable time.

Personal Life

T.V.  As if we didn’t already know this sorrowful fact, we watch way too much TV, wasting hours to the detriment of our goals and pursuits.

I confess to being an ex-news junkie but the news rarely changes during the day.  The networks just spin it a bit differently.  Rarely is there a REAL developing story that compels us to watch.  I am not talking about the endless babble about a storm that is days away yet is covered from every minute angle. Pick a news broadcast you like and give it no more than an hour a day.

We are all connected in some way during the day, if there is something you need to know, you can be sure you will know it.  Being an hour or three behind the story will not change a thing.   TV news once a day, should give what you need, watching 2- 3 times a day is just regurgitation, even during a crisis

A TV pet peeve is the time spent on the weather. Broadcasts start with a tease and continue, giving a ridiculous amount of detail.  I couldn’t care less about Doppler pictures and temperature readings in 30 different places.  All you need is what the highs and lows of the day are and if sunny, cloudy or precipitation expected.  You can get all this on your phone, web, or in seconds on the weather channel.

Use commute time productively – We spend a lot of time commuting and if we use that time on something like reading a book we want to, studying something we have an interest in, listening to an audio book if we are driving, or the news and weather so we don’t have to waste time watching it on tv!

Bank on Line – I realize there is some trepidation about this subject but clearly it is as safe as any other means we use to pay bills.  You can set up your regular payments and forget about them.  Schedule your payments to vendors who accept payments via ACH for the last due date. No need to address envelopes and buy stamps.  You will also have an easy organized place to check your payment histories.   I also advocate receiving bills on line.  Schedule for payment and then save them into a folder, dramatically reducing the handling time.

Reading material – Slim it down, we are inundated with reading materials concerning the field we work in. Depending on the area of expertise, condense the publications/materials you read.  Most times they are all a version of each other.  Find the one that covers the bases and stop wasting time on others. A great example are newspapers, there really is no need to ready two or three papers a day.

This said with an eye towards the flood of sources we now draw from (web, mobil, tv, radio, print…)

DVR – Instant time saver -get a DVR, 30%, yes 30%, of each hour is devoted commercials.  Record a show, fast forward thru them and ‘pocket’ the time!  An easy way to pick up time.

Don t make your schedule based upon TV programming!  Use your ‘prime time’ to pursue your hobbies and interests.  If you choose, you can watch your ‘DVR-commercial free’ later (in place of the news and weather you already know!)

Lunch hour – we all need to be refreshed but we can use our lunch time to pursue an interest we have or to get a bit exercise (freeing up time we wd use later in the day)

Multi Task – we are a nation of mult-taskers, or so we think.  They number of people who cannot perform two routine tasks simultaneously is astounding.  Learn to do it NOW!

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Saving Time – Ways to Save Time

As promised, I have concrete, time saving ideas that actually work!

These free, practical suggestions apply to both your work and personal life.

To get your free copy via email, please subscribe to my blog (its free as well).  You will also receive all new posts via email automatically.

You will not receive any offers, advertisements, spam etc.

Note – Current subscribers will receive it

automatically.

So, pick up time now!

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Time Management – Efficiency

Certain people are able accomplish many

things while others are unproductive to say the least!

Why do some habitually hit their goals while others are unable to accomplish things or do so at a slow, frustrating pace?  What contributes to the difference?

What do we do with the time we have?

An important component of productivity is time management.

Everyone gets the same 24 hours in a day,  7 days in a week, it is how we use them that makes the difference!

Many people seem frozen by the agenda of things to accomplish and talk about all they have to do but never make a dent in the ‘pile’.  Can we increase our productivity?

The good news is we can all improve our productivity by managing our time, a precious resource that must be tightly controlled.

Three O’s

I witness three areas preventing or inhibited productivity on a daily basis – Over Thinking, Over Blabbing and good Old fashioned Procrastination.

Many people put themselves in the circle of Paralysis by Over Analysis.   They over think the task at hand, wasting precious time thinking of the best way and every conceivable consequence. I am not suggesting you recklessly pursue action but if you aren’t building rockets or working with nuclear materials, make a reasonable assessment and get t0 work.  Stop over analyzing and take action.

Incessant Talking – We are a culture of chatters.  Communication is essential but there is a limit to the amount of time we frit away discussing a task at hand and about totally unrelated subjects.  Two areas of blabbing  to be dealt with.  First, if related to the task at hand, put a time limit (for most subjects 5 minutes) on discussion.  For meetings large or small, require that the participants stand. Don’t let anyone get comfortable.  As for unrelated, ‘small talk’ ban it entirely until the in box is empty!

Procrastination – First be honest with yourself, face the fact you are putting off doing something meaningful with menial diversions.  It then truly comes down to focusing, blocking out your tendencies to avoid doing something difficult, and getting down to work.

The common thread here is simply to take action!  Don’t let another day fly by without doing what you need or would like to get done.

I have an article coming out that will give you actual tos and ideas to increase your productivity.  The ideas work and are applicable to the work environment and in your personal life.

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Copy Cat with a Twist – Improve Rather than Innovate

Be A Copy Cat

Originality is a sure fire way to achieve success.

Problem is it can be tough to be original; inventing a new product or idea.

It’s far easier to improve an existing product or idea.

In fact, most success is nothing more than a twist on something already in the marketplace.

Its so obvious, yet we always spend time trying to create something new when the answer is the natural progression of improvement.

Even Entire Nations Do It.

Taking the idea of tweaking an existing product to new level are some national economies who have used this principle to raise their standards of living.

In the early 1970’s Japan began to send their electronic products and autos to the USA.  They were not very good at the time and we tended to call it Jap Crap!

But they kept at it, working to tweak products and the cost structure to produce them and their focus was rewarded quickly.

Japan become an economic power house by improving products already in the market place.  They did not truly innovate, just improved products and processes of manufacture, even focusing on the supply chain to shorten times and inventory levels to get an edge.

As their success grew, they did begin to invest in innovation but the bulk of their success is clearly not creative.

Pure Copy Cat

China at this point has been a copy cat, as most developing nations tend to be. They use their low labor costs to copy and manufacture products others have created or designed.

They have not done much improvement, with most of the engineering and design work is still done in the USA.  At some point soon they will need to create improvement ideas and add some level of innovation as their cost benefits erode.

IPAD IPOD

Apple created two smashing successes with digital music players and tablet computers. But they didn’t create the categories!

They created elegant, user friendly devices that became must haves by vastly improving the existing players and tablets in the marketplace.

You don’t have to go as far as Apple has to get a leg up!

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Achieve Success with Lessons Re-learned!

Lessons to Achieve Success

Success is achievable, you can really do anything!

A previous blog

http://danpetrosini.wordpress.com/2011/03/18/confidence-self-esteem-contd/,  explained how breaking your goal down into achievable sections, and building on those sections leads to success and confidence.

Reinforcement

A key component of learning and developing a new skill is reinforcement.  Doing something over and over until you  get it. Sounds logical enough and guaranteed to work!

But you also must use the learning ‘tools’ that apply to the skill desired.  They are called the fundamentals!

Remember the fundamentals and re-visit methods of learning that maybe specific to what you are doing!

We tend to Forget

A recent experience of mine own while learning was revealing.reinforcing the importance of taking it slow, breaking the challenge down.

Faced with a imposing challenge, I became intimidated by the difficulty of the task presented. It seemed I was trying to learn something that just seemed way to advanced had me down.

I had bought into the negative, I can’t do this mentality when I was reminded me to take it slow.

Incredibly simple advise from a friend worked immediately and boosts your confidence.

We Want to Rush it!

Slowing things down, breaking the challenge into parts will make any task easier, here is an example to help illustrate this point-

If trying to hit a baseball at a batting cage, don’t go into the fastest one,  start with the slowest, get acclimated and then move into the next highest and do the same.  It may take a day or week but you will soon be able to hit the fastest!

If two people put the same time into learning how to hita baseball thrown at 60 miles an hour, one who jumped right into the 60 mile an hour cage and the other who progressed from the 20 miles to the 40 then 60 mile an hour cage, who would learn quickest and with the least frustration??

Here are a few more quick examples-

Runners training for a race or marathon, never go full speed the first times out. They gradually increase the speed and length till they find the mazimum speed they can run at and still finish.

Would you teach your child to drive by getting on the highway first day out?

Remember to keep whatever you are doing at a pace you can actually do it.

Lesson Re-learned

Being reminded to slow it down was a revelation in way,  I relearned a critical covenant of success, break the task or challenge down and take it at a proper pace.

I am glad to have been reminded and to share that how to approach a challenge and succeed, is by sticking with the fundamentals!

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Pride? We have lost it!

Its Obvious

We encounter scores of people in our day to day lives who seem to have no pride in what they do.  Their lack of pride contributes to shoddy, uninspired performance and dulls our lives.

Without spirited, caring interaction in our daily lives we are less joyful and productive.

Somewhere along the way we seem to have lost our sense of cheeriness and pride. How did we lose these vital traits?

The Culture is at fault!

A major factor is allowing others to define who we are.  This is crazy!  Why allow society to judge whether something you do is ‘good enough’?

Today’s culture has a misplaced value system that reveres anyone, no matter how nuts, on TV, in sports or with wealth. (need I mention many of these ‘stars’ lead irresponsible, trouble filled lives?)

By this twisted, flawed definition we undermine every other vocation, including parents who stay at home to raise their children.

The brutal fact is that focusing on what others do or have dooms you to unhappiness.

What’s the alternative?

How about taking some pride in what we do?

There is no absolutely no reason to be embarrassed by what we do, unless we do it poorly!

Just think of the impact someone who may simply be working behind a counter at a deli can have.  If they are upbeat and engaging and anxious to do their job as well as possible,  both parties are uplifted.  Contrast that with those we may know whose negative, sloppy style leave us disgusted.

In reality it does not mater what you do, even if society deems it menial.

They are many examples of the impact we have on each other that can go both ways.  Even interacting on the telephone where you can be drawn into negativity or surprised when a stranger treats us well and resolves an issue.

Conducting ourselves and our activities with a sense of pride and a positive attitude is the answer.

Whatever you do, do it well, with gusto and a sense of pride.  Don’t be pulled into the mentality that “they aren’t paying me enough to do this’ or “it doesn’t make a difference” or I’m just an xyz”

Taking pride in what you do is essential to your self esteem and happiness.

Intimidated?

Why do we feel the need to shield information or position situations?  Its natural to try to make ourselves look good but some things are really silly and add ‘weight’ to our lives.

Why do we feel the need to make excuses for say a child that does make or choose to go to an “a” type college?  Why do we need to say “this is only temporary I took this until something else comes up’  Its fine as long as while you are there you do it well!

Caution – the Flip Side

There is a downside to having too much pride or ego.

It can cause us to think we are better than others, preventing real engagement with others.  It can prevent us from taking on ajob or responsibility, thinking we are too good to do something.

An Easy Fix!

Conducting yourself with pride is easy to master.  It may take a little practice, reminding yourself at times, but feeling good about yourself and what you do will also make your outlook brighter!

Life’s a journey towards your goals, you won’t get there in a flash and make many ‘stops’ along the way, so you must make the best of it to enjoy it.

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Confidence – Self Esteem contd.

Keys to happiness and success?

Its not a panacea, as over confidence and a feeling you are too good have brought down many.  But I believe building self esteem holds some of the keys to success and happiness.

Where do we get some?

Feeling comfortable, a sense of confidence in your approach to life, is developed over time and experience.  Being open to life’s challenges and opportunities, pursuing them unabashedly with a measure of success is where it comes from.  Building on the successes (partial or total) in challenges you engage in, create a foundation to build on.  Its contagious and has a ‘multiplier’ effect.

Break it down!

Any skill we seek or goal we want to achieve is made infinitely easier by recognizing it is a process and will take some time and dedication.

If we want to quit smoking we can go ‘cold turkey’, difficult for many, or use another approach.  Outright quitting creates a ton of pressure and elevates the ‘spotlight’ in your circle of acquaintances.

Why not try an approach of setting smaller goals, that are achievable.

Try a strict limitation – a cigarette an hour or no smoking before lunch or after dinner etc.  You get the idea! After you have sucessfully met that challenge move the ‘bar’ higher – a cigarette every two hours – no smoking till 2 pm – etc..

You have reduced the difficulty and can use the success achieved at lower barriers to reinforce your ability to do it.

Break it down!, this applies to everything, everything, everything !  (sports, academia, arts, physical fitness…) making progress is all that counts.  You measure and judge the success, NO ONE ELSE!

Enjoy the Journey!

An important lesson that I have learned, the hard way, is to enjoy the journey.  Focusing on your failures and distance to the goal is frankly exhausting and depressing.  Learn to be satisfied with the incremental progress you make, even if it leaves you far from the goal you have set.  It makes you happier, proud and keeps the fire burning to continue.

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